Devastated

Not me.. But the parents of the poor boy yesterday.. Caught a glimpse of them hugging their boy and wailing when the door of the multi purpose room opened.. Was too much a heartache for me to take.. I was in-charge yesterday so had to do the paper work and last office for him.. My hands were trembling when I went thru the papers.. Not the first time I face a BID case.. Didn't understand why I felt that way then..

Was abt 1140hrs when we received the VHF to call for standby for a RTA, collapsed case.. So Dr Tham decided to call for trauma code first while we prepared for the case.. Intubation, drugs, fluids, spinal board, blah blah.. and when the code team arrived the whole resus room was in a total mess.. even before the boy arrived.. Sister Indra wanted me to do the documentation cos she thinks it'll be too confusing for Michelle to handle.. So when the boy arrived I helped to transfer and cos of the position that I was standing, I had no choice but to start doing CPR for him.. In tt 1 second Dr Tham gave me that look like 'y aren't ur hands moving? do the CPR!'.. so I jus started anyways.. First time doing it on a child.. At tt moment.. it din bother me whether my hands were tired or whether I was standing in a weird position or not(bed was too high and I was tip-toeing while doing).. I jus did it with all the energy i had.. for a second i felt like crying.. I simply do not understand what was happening to me..

After like 5 mins one of the surgeons decided to take over me so i went to take over Michelle for the documentation.. was horrified and felt like screaming at her after i saw the clip board!! NOTHING WRITTEN!!! WTH! resus started like 5 mins ago and nothing there!! already intubated and started with adrenaline and fluids and the charts were EMPTY!! had no choice but to write the total amt of fluids tt went in at a single timing.. lucky Jumat was counting how many boluses we gave.. Okays.. Sister Indra did mention that she wanted me to do documentation.. but given the situation and she doing nothing in the resus room I dun understand y din she have the initiative to do the charting.. and good gracious she was HOLDING ON TO THE BOARD!!

So after giving like countless of fluid boluses(it was one page of N/saline bolus already), plus E-blood and 6 adrenaline the Drs thought we already did our best already and decided to call.. Time of death 1223hrs..

We could all hear the mother's helpless cry outside the resus room.. He was still there when she left for work in the morning.. Now, he's gone.. Taken home to be with the Lord.. To be an angel, happily playing by His side, where its all so peaceful..