I say CE girls RAWK laaa! Our YAAAAAAAAAM SENG awed the crowd seriously everyone clapped. Even the groom's brothers weren't as loud with their intermittened roar. Erm... okays, did I even hear a sound? Haa! Shan't be a meanie. Just pardon my wide-opened mouth. Ya gotta be loud, thats what ya do yea? LOL!

That was just a warm up for darling's big day la. We're so gona tear the roof down. Just wait and seeeee!

床头灯

Taadaaaaa!~
1 lamp shade down. Haa. One more to go laa. I'm reeeeally lazy if you still can't tell by now. I'm taking like FOREVER to do all those stuff. The corsages are not done started yet. No inspriation laaa. Haa. But I'm not worried at all cos I "believe" I can come up with something when the date is nearer. Rolls eyes. Mommy said cannot light up the lamp for them, like not even to test if it looks nice with the light on. Must be some superstitious old granny story again. Oh well, not that I'm a believer in all these, but for darling and ric's good laaaa.



p.s.
The whitish dots you see on the tassel are the glue laa. I was too excited so took the photo right after I finished. They'll disappear after its dried thou. :)

Season's Greetings!

MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!
And all I want for Christmas is a trustworthy man. Haaaa! Nah, that's just one of my silly thoughts. :)

2 more hours to my 5 days of FREEDOM! Yay!

This year's Christmas is especially heartwarming even thou I may, most probably, be at home... rotting. Haa. For me, that is. :)

Greetings from dearest Sher, ALL THE WAY FROM CANADA! Whoohoooo~

I swear I had tears rolling as I read the card. *Sobbing now. Especially when she wrote, "Even after all these years that we kinda lost contact, you still remain in a very special part of my heart.". Tell me who wouldn't feel like crying can! Haa. It may not be the fanciest card I ever received, BUT, this is one I'm gona keep it with me for life. Just like the rest of the cards from her in the past (I still have them in my drawer laa.). *Grins. I feel like giving her a big tight hug, like right now.

Sighs. I really miss her. :(



For having been through so much together, the laughter, the tears, silly and crazy things we did...
I, shall plan a really big surprise for her. The one I truely treasure. :)

Sighs. What a nice weather to curl up in bed.. And look at what I'm doing right now. Grr. CAN I DON'T WORK BUT GET PAID?? Haa. The new roster's OUT!! On night again after Xmas. So much for the 5 days off. I wonder if its really worthwhile cos I don't really have plans for Xmas, I just don't feel like working when everyone's either at home or out partying. Btw, please note that "on night again after Xmas" means I'm night on new year's eve, new year's day and the night after, which happens to be a SATURDAY. Oh, plus 2 evening shifts before that. That makes up to FIVE nights of war to fight caaaaan~ See why I'm aging so fast? Haa. The extra moolah goes to more eye masks and eye cream!

Oh, so much nonsense already.
Okays people, the Ang Bao Box is finally COOMMPLEEEETED!!

Shall show you all how a simple 0.9% Sodium Chloride box gets transformed into an Ang Bao Box. Nice or not nice up to your discretion laaaa. *gloats*

1) Wait patiently for the pharmacy top-up to get this box la. :)

2) Cut the box to make it smaller cos it'll be funny if anyone's Ang Bao Box is that BIG. The rounded part just tear 1 layer of the cardboard and attach it to the semi circle.

3) Wrap the entire box with a nice piece of paper laa.

4) Here's how to make your own paper flowers ya. Stamp the pattern (with floral stamp and ink duh) and cut out the flower. Then cut the flower into heart-like shapes.

5) After you got many many heart shapes you're ready to make the flowers! Quite difficult to show how to make but I got the instructions from http://www.makingmemories.com/. Visit if you're interested ya. :)

6) And.. the flowers are done!

7) Then, let your creativity flourish! Picture taken to seek darling's approval la. :)

8) Next up, name tag.

9) The final product!

This is for darling kays: You owe me a real biggie cos I was at home making this Ang Bao Box when you're out there at the MANGO SALES! PUI YOU BIG TIME!!!!

Wedding Preps

Darling and tee yu decided to come over my place to help me with some of the stuff. And I thought, since a picture speaks many many words, here's a look at how buuussyyy we were working on the DIY projects for the BIG DAAAY!

Mr Richard Koh, our entertainer of the night. :)

SGD$2.20 worth of Weili's lt thigh. Anyone interested?

Darling super engrossed in measuring the lampy.

So it takes 2 to measure a lampy. LOL~

Finally they got the measurement.

Our man happy with his red lampy. Haa.

Oh, thats me trying to act pretty with the flowers. LOL!

Our only accomplishment for the night.

Okays, thats all for now. Shall post photos of the ang bao box soon. Once its completed. Haa.

AND... time to prepare for war again.

Ciaoz.

Pats myself on the shoulder. Haa. I spotted a Kawasaki today laaaa! Okays, Kawasaki disease. Cute as the name may sound but its actually quite a serious autoimmune disease (i.e. the immune system fighting against your own body) that affects multiple organs, but most importantly the heart la. Causes some dilation of the vessels and the child MAY get a heart attack. Yes, heart attack in children. Haa. So the most common sign you see is what we call 'strawberry tongue', where the tongue looks like a strawberry la duh.. Others include eye redness, rashes, persistently high fever, peeling of skin on the palms and feet etc.

So this girl I saw today, 4 yrs old, mommy said had high fever for 3 days with eye redness, tearing++ and rashes over the body. Temp was 39.7 but it was time for her next dose of fever meds so thought maybe just give her a dose of paracet and do blood test la. But the more I see her the more uneasy I felt. Like you know your gut feeling's telling you something is not right. She looked really RED la. Her lips were super red too. But she didn't have the 'strawberry tongue' thou. And I thought she didn't have the 'sandpaper rash' either(I got mixed up with scarlet fever laa). She was totally alert, like answered my questions appropriately and all. But I just thought something was not right. So I sent her in as a 9 case anyways.

Then when I was having my break, Dr Myla (who saw the case) told me it was an early Kawasaki and I did well for spotting it laaaa! Haha. *Spins round the room. But then again, I didn't EXACTLY said it was Kawasaki, I just thought it could be so I was just playing it safe. :)




Oh well, at least better than our 蛇女 who insisted it was a KNEE FRACTURE when it was OBVIOUSLY(+++++ to the core of my arse) a PATELLA DISLOCATION. Rolls eyes.

SPOTTED: Girl wearing tube top with a carpark-coupon-auntie hat --- jogging.

*Rolls eyes.

Weddings are really a CHORE! Not my wedding but I'm almost as busy as the couple. *Shrugs. My darling maaa. What to do. Haa. Its 1 1/2 mths to the BIG DAAY! Now the only worrying thing is TIME. Hope we have enough of it. Okays. I shall not be lazy and do it whenever I have time.


Things to do:
1) Wrist corsages x 6
2) Ang Bao box x 1 la (need so many for wat.)
3) Flower ballies for the flower girls x 2
4) Lamp shades x 2
5) Find myself a pair of HEELS
6) Hand bouquet for the dance x 6
7) Find a looooong ribbon for the jie mei dress x 6
8) Tie ribbons for the invitation cards x 300 (LOL!!)

WHEEEEEEEE!!!!~
X'MAS REQUEST GRANTED!! *spins round the room*


Muackz to Sister Lee.  Yay!

我不入地狱, 谁入地狱？

Its just EIGHT in the morning and there's already freaking ELEVEN on the que! Rolls eyes. And they're still coming in laa. Really NON-STOP lo! Kaoz. I say its becoming a 'Sunday Family Affair'. Or maybe already BECAME. Gosh. ALL THE XIAO TOUs STAY AT HOME AND KOON CAN~ Or watch cartoon at home la! Sunday LOOOOOR!

And to make things worse, I'm sitting here at triage with our famous "蛇女" (snake woman). Rolls eyes again. It started even before shift started la. I bloody hell checked ALL the E-trolleys (which include hers), resuscitators, did the I-stat test, counted the equipments, purposely left the controlled drug for her to check, and the first thing she did as she stepped into the resus room was to SIT IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER AND LOG IN TO FACEBOOK!!! *Vomits blood. But I kept quiet and continued checking my stuff. What to do, people SENIOR STAFF NURSE maaa, I only staff nurse~. Pui.

 Then halfway through report, she suddenly (more like as usual) said "I go toilet ah."

Sighs. People wana lau sai then we cannot be so mean right. Haa.

Like what darling said, "你不入地狱, 谁入地狱?" Someone has to sacrifice and today its just lao niang's turn.



Entry written in retrospect @ 2144 Hrs
(Okays, it was THAT busy I have to write this at home, like now.)

So after report I went straight to triage and our dear Ms Snake, was nowhere to be found (as usual again). After seeing like 3 patients, she finally appeared and immediately said "I go top-up resus room kay." I didn't even look up cos I was bloody hell clearing the que and she OBVIOUSLY didn't see the whole driveway lined up with cabbies and cars laaa! (Pls read: alot alot alot of xiao tous here already) Grrr. I know top-up is important la, but not when the triage is flooding and you leave me to drown ALONE can. ALSO, if you wana top-up then do it properly la. Topping-up redundants like paracetamol when the cupboard already have 8 bottles, or thermometer probes when we already have 3 boxes... We preparing for war meeehhh??? Rolls eyes.

She obviously testing my 忍功 only lo. My ratio to hers was like 10:2? I see 10 patients she see T-W-O! Never mind lo, I junior maa. So I tahan-ed until 10.30am when Yanti came. I thought "Waa, finally I can go break liao. Like, I'm gona faint any moment laa". BUT, before I can even respond, she came to my counter and said "Yanti come already, I go first." and POOF, off she went. *Blood boils. And darling & Doris have to come at this time to jio me go break. Kaozz. I already pu huey liao can! We already planned on eating ban mian earlier and now I cannot go for break and I'm super duper hungrrrryyyy!

THEN AGAIN, I naively thought that maybe she will zi dong go and come back fast fast laa. Must be hungry until gong liao. She happily took 45 minutes when she's supposed to go for 30 minutes, and she came out not because she think her time is up can. My bladder was almost bursting and after Yanti and I finally managed to clear to zero I ran to pee la. Saw her in the toilet and with her shocked-to-see-me face she said "Eh, you want to go you go lo, I'm coming out already."

It was at this point where I cannot tahan anymore la. I slammed the cubicle door and didn't reply her. Bloody hell what do you mean by "you want to go you go lo."??!!! So you're saying I don't want to go la? Or is it you hungry, you need to eat people no need to eat? People not hungry? I was sooooooooo furious that I choked as I ventilated to darling lo. Just minus the tears falling nia. (I cry when I'm super angry la.)

Anyways, the best part have yet to come.
Towards the end of shift, she came to my counter and said "Waa, you see very fast hor? I oso see very fast." *Rolls eyes and faint.


Fast my ass CAAANNN!! Pui!~

The Xiao Tou Curse Pt2.

Its night shift agains! Sighs. Not like I'm doing as many nights as I wished to. The payroll check was pathetic laaa. Just 2 weekday nights, 2 weekend nights and 2 weekday Es. Tell me someone you know have worse than me please. Grr..

I'm trying to break the curse, or rather, test its accuracy by blogging RIGHT HERE at triage. So far its 2 since my attempt to log in. Haa. Let's see the numbers by the time I finish this entry. Yea, bo liaos I know. But its the only way to keep myself awake since caffeine's on strike and no one I can talk to on msn now. Haas.





Now I'm lost. So many things I wanted to write here but my neurons are just not functioning.

Okays, maybe something thats constantly running through my mind. I'll just make some sort of closure though I seriously don't feel a need to.

I think if you missed the chance of having someone in your life as a result of not holding dear to them, then thats too bad. You move on; and please, look back only to learn your lesson and nothing else. Time waits for no man. If you think after realising your mistake that whoever (someone) will still be there waiting, my advise is, WAKE UP LAA! Lao niang is not someone whom you can suka suka say want or don't want can! You think you buying fish at market eh? Today I like this one so I'll get this, tomorrow maybe if I'm sick of it already I'll get the other one. Rolls eyes. And to those fishmongers (read: KPOs) out there; please la, people don't want then don't force can. It just makes people feel more frustrated (like they're not frustrated enough from all the pestering) and it may even sabotage your relationship with them. So what for? Unless seeing one's misery enlivens you, then by all means. Rolls eyes again.

Haa. I see you scratching your head! Catch no ballies eh? Its okays laa. Only those who needs to know will know.

:)


p.s.
Totally surprised. Just 3 xiao tous! Haa.


Recommendation: More tests needed laaaaa.

Nice?
Time to shop for some lovely heels for darling's wedding. I doubt it'll be difficult for me. Shit. The shoppers' curse!! Okok. Hope I can get something better than this. I thought it looked okays thou. :) Off it goes to my KIV list~ *Grins.

Caffeine Intoxicated

Night shift.. again. Writing to keep myself awake. Been up since like 10am yesterday. And only 6 hours of sleep thanks to our joyous mj session. Haa. We were mostly full of nonsense rather than concentrate on our tiles. Super fun laa. Kah fai seemed to be more comfortable with us compared to the old quiet and "anti-social" him. LOL! Nice. :)


Life's full of ups and downs.

I've never felt so true to these words ever before. Life's been a rollercoaster ride recently. Break-ups one after another, and contrastingly, pending marriages one after another. Full of emotions eh? Haa.


Sighs.
The curse of incessant xiao tous per blogger log-in. Rolls eyes.

Men are all JERKS! Period.
With or without balls.
Enough of all your sweet talkings and what nots.


I'm boycotting facebook for a month. Too much distress to my life. Anyways its getting rather boring so yea.. even requests will wait till 1 month later. :)

I'm amazed by my own sixth sense.

Haa! Never once failed me. Oh well.. *Grins.

Another night of incessant xiao tou gathering. I say gathering because they ALWAYS like to come at the same time, as if the parents planned their visits together. Grr.

Its perfectly alright for me if they come without any nonsense. I mean afterall its still where my income came from. Not that I've totally lost my passion (but almost there). Haa. I just cannot tolerate nonsensical beings (be it the grandfather, grandmother, father, mother or what nots) coming in, treating me as though I spent my almost 4 years in school, learning to become their servant. Hate it especially when they point their obnoxious finger, enlightening me what to do. Rolls eyes. I may not know alot, but I obviously have better knowledge than you if not you'll be sitting at my place already, ain't it? Rolls eyes again.

Of course thats just the minority. There are still some who are really understanding and appreciative of things you do for them. And some who just couldn't be bothered much as all they're asking for is their kids treated well and they can continue hibernating. :)

Oh well, here comes yet another xiao tou... *Shrugs*

I swear I rolled my eyes till it almost popped out just few hours ago.





Frivolous-grudge-bearing-empty-headed old man. Grrr.

Just made my day, or rather, night.

I really wish I can be on holiday at a beach resort now. Waking up to the sound of sea waves breaking on the sandy beach. Sighs. I'm only daydreaming.

Life's been quite hectic lately but seriously, I have no idea what I was busy with. Perhaps its the late nights recently. Sleep depriviation induced fatigue syndrome. Heh. I'm good at making my own diagnosis eh..

I'm not sure if what I sensed was right or wrong. Perhaps its all my own thinking and all. Thats the problem with us girls. Okays, female beings. We do lots of thinking. Unnecessary thinking. And sometimes we get so immersed in our own thoughts we become unrealistic, ain't it? Haa. Oh well, I guess I just have to put everything behind me and enjoy every moment in my life right now. Afterall, its not really a biggie eh?


:)

Drained.

Almost frozen at triage. And I'm wearing the PPE (think of those yellow gowns during SARS or H1N1 times) with my cardigan and apron and uniform. Thats FOUR layers if you want to count. Haa. I think the institution's air-con is FOC thats why.

Sighs. Here comes yet another small head a.k.a. xiao tou.

*Rolls eyes.

Oh. Its not a xiao tou that came.

Anyways, I'm freaking tired la. Haven had a good rest since before I went Bangkok. Totally drained. I wish.. I wish for a luxurious resort spa trip say in Maldives. Haa. Okays, I'll just make do with Bintan if its too expensive. Maybe I'll go with this special someone since its been what I always dreamed for. Oh oh, too early to dream now. LOL!

2 more hours to go LAAAAAAA!!! Grrrr. I NEED MY BED!

anyways, I've been wanting to post this few days back but din really have the time to do it. so here goes.

I received a mail few days back from an unkown sender (okays, I din know her so its sort of unknown), asking me about the makeup I use and requesting me to SHOW her how I do my makeup. Sheesh, this sounds totally bimbotic. Okays, nvm.

Firstly, let me thank you sincerely for reading my stodgy blog. I didn't know ppl actually come in and READ. Haa. Thank you for your support once again. :)

Sooo. Before I answer your question, let me ask you something in return first. Are you sure you got the right person? As in, am I really who you're referring to? Cos I thought my friend does better makeup than me. Haa.

If I am then I doubt I can enlighten you much cos I do really simple makeup. As in just foundation, blusher lip balm and tts it. Oh, eyebrows are a MUST cos I got no eyebrows (not literally but can't see much). Other than that the most I just do some eyeliner and mascara when going out at night. I'm not a fanciful makeup person so ya, thats abt all.

And regarding the contact lens. Yes I do wear contact lenses and I used to wear acuvue clear but now I switched to soflens38. Feels the same to me thou.

I'm not sure if this is what you're asking for but this is all I have for you. Hope it does help! Hee. :)

obviously not in a good mood today.

EVERYONE IS PISSING ME OFF!!!!!

i need to ventilate.

AAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M BAAAACK!!!!
Finally. My legs will shatter if I stay there any longer. Bangkok was FUN but super tiring can. Like we shop almost the whole day everyday. Literally shopping like we never shopped before. Yet you still feel like its not enough. Oh, I din buy a single shoe frm BKK can you believe it? NOT A SINGLE PAIR! faints. Thats so not like me. But nothing caught my eye seriously. They either suck in quality or simply looked like crap. Shoe addict I am, but I don't go for just any shoe. :)

You know when they say you'll really see the true colours of a person just by going on a same trip with him/her, I think its so true. Not in a bad way. Rather to get to know them in greater depth. Its totally different from how you interact with them normally, especially if you don't get to see them every single day. Well, something that I observed during the trip beside the tonnes of clothing I saw. Haa. In a way it made my inner self grow to be more understanding, compromising and forgiving, and learnt the importance of those. Grins.


Btw, Blogger is FINALLY back in action. *rolls eyes* Took them years.

Lost in Shenton Way. Like can you believe it? I felt like I was a tourist, minus the culture shock. And I almost got banged by a car cos I jay-walked! Grr.. Not that I didn't want to use the traffic light, but there wasn't any at the junction I stood. Rolls eyes.


Oh, and I felt totally out of place in my t-shirt and shorts where everyone else were either wearing shirt and pants or in their suits.


Sighs. I wasted ONE HOUR just to find my way back to the no.100 bus stop after deciding to return to Golden Mile's money exchange. Not counting the time I wasted making my way to Shenton Way and looking for the money exchange. Should have trusted my instinct and changed the moolah at Golden Mile there and then, and not falter at the thought that Shenton Way may have better rates. If not I could still have some time to catch a wink before shift starts.




Oh well, another 24 sleepless hours.

This kiddo I was attending to suddenly pointed to my back and started crying and screamed,  "uncle's gona catch me! uncle's gona catch me!". I was standing in front of a wall.




Freak, people.

Jinxed.

Just as me n jim were sharing our jinxed experiences the night before, the ultimate jinx-ness fell upon me this morning. First, I forgot my locker key! Like of all days why must it be today when I brought xiao bai (my lappy) to work! Grr.. Perhaps the habit of making sure my key is in my bag flew to slumberland together with my brain. Sighs. Obviously I panicked cos it was like 6.55am when me n germac finished our slides and I haven't changed! And.. and.. Sister Lee was totally snappy so no way of getting the spare key from her. Lucky lucky me. Jaime's got an extra pair of shoes and germac kindly offered me her stethescope, pen, access card, and literally her whole locker cos she was post night already. Haa. I'm really well-loved eh?

Second. Halfway through report Sister Tor came in and told me PSTC was today! I was like "Not tmr meh!?". I remembered its on my second morning which is tmr lo! Anyways she was right and me, TOTALLY NOT PREPARED!! argh!! I'm really not a fan of mock codes and plus it was at the simulation training centre! They freaking take ur video while u run the code and they replay it during debrief! BUT, was ok la. Not tt bad though could have been better.

Next. Just when I was heading for my lunch box to fill my rumbling tummy, I realised my fork n spoon are in my LOCKER! AND.. MY LOCKER KEY WAS AT HOME! AND.. there wasn't a single disposable spoon in the pantry! Had no choice but to use somebody else's spoon (I dunno whose). Just when I thought everything was settled and started eating, the spoon I was using fell onto the floor......


Tell me u're not pissed.

Demoralised.

Question: Why is it that a boy who looked clinically sick can be a 9 case because his vitals were still stable, but a boy who looked clinically well must be a resus case because his BP was just 2mmHg lower than what its supposed to be?


I'm talking abt these 2 brothers who came in complaining of vomiting and was dehydrated. I seriously thought they can be seen just as 9 cases. But its ok. I'll admit its my mistake and learn from it. Next time I'll just put everyone in the resus room. :)


Yesterday was just not my day. Perhaps I saw things I shouldn't be seeing, and subsequent events to it were totally inane. This bitch came in with her son-of-a-bitch (literally) having a lacerated back of the ear. Went all the way to the waiting area without being triaged or registered. So I got approached by her and nicely brought her to triage to examine her SOAB. There she began to bombard me with a million questions like "Why do I have to go through all these?" "This is an EMERGENCY right?" "Can I see the doctor NOW?". I really felt like giving her two tight slap STAT!

See, your child was jumping about, though sitting on a wheelchair. And pardon me for asking, but does your child walk with his ears? U mean your child couldn't walk because he had a laceration behind his ear? Why deprive other kids from having a chance to sit on a wheelchair when they need it more than that silly son of yours playing on that wheelchair? AND YOU CALL THIS AN EMERGENCY?! So what if you have money to pay? Its not about the money my dear bitch. This is an emergency department and YOU DON'T CHOOSE DOCTORS!!! Which part of my lousy english did you not understand that you have to go in to the nurses' station and shout at my colleague, telling that poor girl it was WRONG OF ME TO SAY YOU CANNOT CHOOSE A DOCTOR! And I'm telling you again that your child wasn't a real emergency case because the bleeding has stopped and your f-ing son was playing on that wheelchair and YOU CANNOT CHOOSE A DOCTOR IN AN EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT!!!!!!!


Okays. Something else to make myself feel better.
Have you ever been approached by some strangers along the street telling you they're from some modeling agency and they're looking for some new faces crap thing? Well I thought they disappeared for quite some time cos ppl were complaining about it n stuff. So as I was on my way to work yesterday, this C-H-I-N-A girl came and talked to me. I thought she was gona ask me for directions or smth. Then she began yakking and gosh, out of the 10 sentences she said I didn't even understand half a sentence. Until she brought her card out and I read it was some modeling agency then I came to realise what I was in for. So I quickly rejected her and walked off. Haa. Though they may be out to con ppl, but makes you feel good in a sense. :)

4 nights was HELL (cannot use tt word, 7th mth.)! damn tiring can. so long since I last worked 4 nights (maybe more than a year). but thank goodness it was with darling and tee yu (my 255 darling.. haa.). we had fun as we slogged our way through the 4 nights. I like it that way. though its busy, we work our arses off together (not forgetting to add some fun during the mess) and we rest together. I despise those who enjoys warming every single chair available in the dept while others work till their legs split apart.

so much for the 4 nights. then came our well deserved 3 days off!! woo hoo!~ headed for our chalet after just a few hours of sleep. so the 3 groggy girls went off to get the stuff all on our own. boy, u should see the amt of things we bought and brought to the chalet, without the help of any guys (okays, except the taxi uncle)! I say we are STRONG can. who says we need guys to survive? haa.

it was intended as a low-profile chalet so we din invite tt many ppl. but it was fun n crazy nevertheless! again, I say its the ppl u're with not the numbers u have. u can have a party of 100 ppl but nobody knows who is who, everyone leaves the party displeased. :)

richard koh is the champion snorer!!
all thanks to him I din sleep a wink the whole night!! grr.. not that I heard tt many snorers but I doubt anyone can win him. if anyone thinks he/she can snore louder than richard koh den pls, come let me hear u snore. but not when I'm about to sleep thou. poor darling hafta listen to the symphony for many years to come. faints.

KTV!! again, after just 4 hours of sleep its time for our sing-our-lungs-out session! 6 whole hours of ktv! first time we sang so long lo. many thanks to kah fai who knew some fella working at party world. haas. oh, and the cheapest session we ever had! *winks*

darling n her girls can sing REALLY WELL!! they are so so good u just hafta sit and listen and do nothing else. I bet they'd been practicing like a million times. haa. and we got super high when Dr Benny sang his Mayday songs. the post mayday syndrome everyone's having. like u scroll down fb everyone's talking abt mayday. *rolls eyes*

1 week of day shifts and I'm back to 4 nights again!! this time I'm really looking forward to it cos after the 4 nights, its BKK!!!! I'm trying really hard to resist my urge to shop till we reach bangkok. argh!!! then I'm gona shop like I never shopped before!!!!

another person to say I look like jamie yeo. seriously, I wonder if its a compliment or an insult. and.. pardon me for repeating myself, I have no idea which of my features looked like her. *rolls eyes* oh well, whatever..


went on a road trip, pretending to be tourists with darling, tee yu n ric. haa! 2 days of going round singapore was really tiring can. but when the 4 of us are together, there's always joy n laughter so it was quite enjoyable and FUN!! oh, minus the part where we couldn't find our way thou. the little red dot ain't tt little afterall. haa.


went to help darling choose her wedding gowns too. the power of bridal studios. after looking at so many many lovely gowns, it really makes u feel like donning one of them, and pose for a shot or two. but the thing about marriage, its quite a scary thought don't u think? well, at least for me. life after the wedding day, maintaining the relationship, compromising to each other, adjusting to each others' habits.. don't think I'm ready for all these yet. haa. but its ok, not like I have a potential someone right now. *rolls eyes again*

finally downloaded IE8 after much hesitance. I'm still v comfortable with 7 thou. but I still downloaded after fb's refusal to load properly (distorted layout) like all of a sudden. and I thought it could be the reason y blogger doesn't load properly too. but I was SO WRONG! its still giving me problem, and I obviously am not very happy about it. grr.. loading pictures with blogger in draft is just suuuuuuper slooooow can. *rolls eyes*


anyways. life has toned down abit recently after some feisty period I had. *grins* but, tmr's party time again! and.. and our chalet is coming too! been so long since we last had chalet. haa. followed by 4 nights again and its BKK!! wooo hoooo!~


our US trip is postponed to april thou. *sad* jo's got school and sher can't really leave canada so soon cos of her PR tingy. oh well, as long as its not CANCELLED then I'm fine with anything. :) gives me more time to save money anyways. haa.




that day finally came and all I can say is, I'm so useless.

We're finally going overseas TOGETHER!! after like years of plain talking and not moving. And I'm finally stepping onto the "Land of the smiles"! BKK here I come!!!! *spins round the room*

I thought this trip would be called off like again when sister din wana grant my nights which I originally requested. no fighting with the malays being the reason (which I totally agreed). my mood was at zero the whole morning (perhaps even minus zero) after stepping out of sister's office. "I was in DESPAIR!" as wat juwi repeatedly claimed after I told her wat happened. haa. lucky darling came up with the idea of shifting our travel dates (see I'm not really a fan of planning so I just had no idea of what to do then) and after a second try, it was granted! lalalala..



the thing abt fate, which I had no choice but to believe in, is that; its really out of our limits. when u're not fated to meet someone, u will never get to meet him/her no matter what. nothing u do will change it. at least not with our human power. same thing that happened for 2 consecutive days, see what I mean by no choice but BELIEVE? in a way I see it as God's way of telling me, our time is up.


ciaoz.

sweets from germac dearie! brightened us abit before me n veron mommy slap the next parent that came to triage. haa! she sure knows how to put a smile on everyone's face, always. :D

anyways, my 800th patient didn't come at all.. geez.

i finally brought myself to delete every single message from him in my phone. messages from even before we got together till the end. its been awhile since you-know-what-happened. i knew i had to do it to move on. but i just couldn't bear to touch that silly button and free my phone from that chunk of memory. see even the phone has memory wat more us human (okays, not trying to be lame, serious). i thought at least if the messages are still there then perhaps one day things will suddenly be different. yea, i must be dreaming. so today i finally woke up, or rather i chose to wake up from this brainless dream. haa. i realised i like to use the word brainless nowadays..

yes! its brainless and i shall not stay in that dream anymore!

grr.. 1 more night to go.. tonight will be worse i guess.. with the patriotic singaporeans coming back frm KL, JB or wateva u have, displaying their quality traits (read: kiasu, kiasi).. boy, they are just damn good at doing it can.. I HATE LONG WEEKENDS! esp when i can't enjoy it.. esp when i have to work, be on night shift to face all those CRAP they do EVERYTIME. wanting to see snr doc or see doc STAT when that f-ing buffalo of theirs is running a temperature since like few HOURS ago! gosh. i wonder whats become of parents and kiddos nowadays. are we really providing such good SERVICE to them that they have to come each time their kid has fever or (forgive me for saying this) are they simply brainless? i don't remember going to the hospital (when i'm sick, that is) my whole life growing up and the only doctor who saw me as a kid in the hospital was probably the neonatologist examining me when i first breathed the singapore air. *rolls eyes*

okays, time to prepare myself to fight war laters.. 800 here i come!

Caffeine addict.

I slowed down my steps as i felt the trail of coffee right in front of my nose. The aroma perked me up immediately just when i was dragging my heavy feet to the bus stop. Of course, its none other than Starbucks! "No, i shall resist the urge even though it may mean feeling alive again after the long day." Hastening my pace, bleeped the thought, there i was, at the bus stop with my bus waiting.

Thou shall obey the rule of having just 1 cup per day. For health reasons as well as my precious beauty sleep. Though i personally feel my lack of sleep was very much unlikely due to caffeine. :)

Oh well.

I say girls will be girls no matter what, afterall. I seriously do not think its just me. Haa. The intention of just stepping in to Sephora, solely for browsing purposes, landed me with 70 over bucks lesser in my bank a/c [rolls eyes, i know]. See, that's why i told my prince i CANNOT step inside the store. Grins. What can i say, they just have too many interesting things lying on their display shelves and me, i'm simply a sucker for cosmetics. Especially those in really sweet packaging. Grins. Not like i bought many many things thou. :)

Dunkin' Donuts!!

Okays people, the word here is nostalgic. Haa. Doesn't this bring back all those childhood memories of yours? Did for mine thou. And i wondered why it took them so long to come back to our hometown. Anyways. I thought i saw people carrying it while at ION the other day but really didn't see the outlet. We thought people brought it from like overseas or smth, just to console ourselves. But i saw it today and i JUST HAVE TO GET IT!! Its my first time buying donuts despite the donut craze that eventually ceased when people realised that donuts (nice or not nice) are available at almost every shopping centre, just like what happened to bubble tea back then. I was so excited and i din know what to buy! And plus the queue was rather long, i just picked these few that appeared rather enticing. Well, at least to me. :) Enjoy the pic while i enjoy the donuts!

Bestest Bud

long before the days where BFF is habitually used as a term to describe best friends, "Bestest Bud" was what we called each other.
Me and sherlyne.
if you say we're the closest two in the entire school i seriously think no one would disagree.
for being such a geek in the olden days [okays, admit i'm old], i was mostly remebered as sher's best friend and not my name.
not that sad actually, kinda funny rather.

i missed us. seriously.
missed those times we wrote small notes to each other in class.
missed us having training together.
missed going to town after school.
missed the times where we were late for school and had to unpick our pinafore cos it was too short.
missed how sad we were when we got streamed to different classes.
missed our laughter, when we were still so young and innocent.

i feel bad. and i totally regreted not being there for her when she needed someone.
especially when her dad passed on.
its been so long, so long that i can't recall why we drifted apart.
and like i said, i feel really bad.
for not putting in effort to keep our relationship going.
i say relationship becos i feel we're more than friends.
she's more like a family member to me.
someone in the family whom i've let down.

i've always wanted to 'rebuild' this relationship but i guess i just have no courage.
i don't know why.
i think of her every now and then but jus have no guts to even drop her a msg in fb.
but thankfully jo helped me.
and i'm really really grateful of her bringing us back together.
even if its just the 2 days we met, i was really happy and i guess we really enjoyed ourselves.

so i'm telling myself that from now onwards i'm gona put in effort to build the relationship again and i really hope we can be close like before.
cos i really treasure her alot and i noe, the thing thats most important besides your family are your friends.
and she's much much important cos she's my family. :)

visitor at work

i freaked! like big time freaked out at triage just awhile ago.
this monstrous looking creature thats supposed to be extinct together with the dinosaurs visited as i was triaging one kid.
yes. its a humongous cockroach.
much as i tried to remain calm, but i guess failed terribly when i screamed together with the mom n the girl as i brisked out from T3 (i was sitting at T2).
i was jus lucky it wasn't those flying kind.
and i thought i "acted" brave by sending the mom n the girl off to registration ASAP while i think of a way to get rid of that thing crawling. haa.
of course, my exquisite solution was none other than calling kevin for help, thinking he's the only guy available in the dept (don't think dr saumya would be pleasured to attend to such request).
shit him. he wasn't inside but maria offered to come to my rescue. such a heroine isn't she? :)
and perhaps kev was jus very much fated to that cockroach that he appeared at triage jus as maria arrived.
so he went and gave it a good smash while i screamed my way out of triage.
there it goes. juices squirted all over and as flat as can be, and off it went to the bin at T1.
that was the fate for visiting the wrong person at the wrong time. haa.

okays, enough of that yucky thing.

kev dealt me at 70 bucks for the paeds stethoscope! woohooooo!!!
much better deal than anywhere else in the world i guess.


the haunting of connecticut was goooooood!
scared my pants off but rather touching story.
i'm in for a second round if anyone wants! *grins.

sadist.

indeed. totally a sadist.
i'm making myself happy by 'watching' others' misery.
well, not exactly laughing at them, but rather, telling myself i shld be happy i wasn't in their shoes. i'm luckier in a sense.
not trying to sound noble seriously. i really did felt better.

another thing tt makes me feel better: gossiping.
haa. not tt i'm a total fan of gossiping. (okays, i see u rolling ur eyes)
it feels irritating at times, especially if we gossip on the same topic like for the 100th time.
feels as though we gossip for the sake of gossiping, brainless and just makes us no different from some bimbos out there.
but one thing that assures me after each session.
that i have the support from my girls, no matter what happens and ALWAYS.
and even though its for the 101st time saying it, they will still do it to make me feel better. :)

concussed

shit me. another night of absurd drinking. dead drunk.
its not totally the alcohol tt made me drunk seriously.
i went out of control. let go of my emotions just like tt.
i knew what i did and i wanted to stop but i just couldn't help it.
the tears just had to fall.
perhaps its been there for too long.
that i didn't allow it to flow after i said no more tears.
i didn't understand why i have to be like this.
why can't i just live with all my emotions and not hide it like its so unglam.
i did nothing wrong didn't i?
why do i have to make myself stay strong when the fact is, i was badly hurt.
shouldn't the one who caused the hurt be the one who's hiding?
i thought i was so over it. i thought.
but i guess i'm still hanging.
someone get me out of this, for once.

Re-opened

jus in case u're wondering. yes, i "re-opened" this blog..
not tt it was closed at all.. i jus tot i needed some privacy back den..
but its ok now.. dun need tt privacy anymore..
i would say its still quite updated for the time it was "privatised" (if there's such a word.. haa)
jus deleted ONE entry, the one tts quite recent..
well, i din like being treated tt way so i shall not do the same to others even thou i may hatethatsomeonetothecoreofmyarse.
okays, i dun go ard hating ppl.. jus this someone..

well well, if u even bother and it interests u, den u can read on my previous posts (unedited).
i do warn that some entries may be quite offensive so jus bear with it ya..
its my past and wats done cannot be undone.
frm now on i shall move on and NEVER walk the same path, repeat the same mistakes again.

:)

nice.

deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. but being hardcore isn't just about being tough, its about acceptance.

i always thought i was some sort of hardcore. i remained strong despite the stormy road i walked through (of course with the help of real friends i have). i put up a tough front (always) whenever i fear. i make myself see hope when i'm lost. i always thought i was strong, and people see me as strong. but i realised, the day when you say you're strong is the day when you are able to accept. accept the truth, accept that it has happened, and accept the fact that things will NEVER be the same again. accept he has chosen someone else, accept they are happy together, accept one day you really have to wish them... happiness.

entry deleted.

New Life

Get ready for the new me..

Changed.

Perhaps so different even I myself can't recognise.
But this is all I've got.
I'm all out to be a changed person.
No longer letting people control me.
Not a single chance.

I, shall control each and everyone of you out there.

i still can't believe what he actually did to me..
the only reason i figured was that he didn't have... true feelings.
yes, his feelings weren't true right from the begining.
or was it more of lust than love he'd felt.
i have no idea.
i couldn't think of any other reason for him to fall in love with someone else in such a short time.
seriously.
so much for telling myself (including others) that he's not worth it.
he's not worth my love, my feelings, my effort, my time, and the list goes on.
i still miss him.
i'm not denying it.
i just have to click on his darn name in fb each time i log in, go back to my msn list every 5 minutes jus to check if he updated his nick.
this sucked. big time.
i hate myself for doing all these.
i hate myself for loving him.
i still love him. i still do.
my heart aches each time i think of him.
i wish someone can put a stop to all these.
to help me.
i'm trying hard to control myself.
i know i have to.
i smile, i laugh, i play when everyone is around.
but when things quieten down, and i'm alone... again,
the heartache is always there.
i run through scenario after scenarios of how i'll bump into him.
at work, outside... i even thought maybe he'll be mature enough (like all of a sudden),
and come look for me.
for what i don't know.
perhaps to talk things out, or whatever.
so much for pre-empting what's gona happen.
i'm not sure if i can really be normal when that day comes.

i hate what i'm feeling now.
when can all these come to an end?
the real... end.

To all whom I love..

No words can describe how grateful I am to have you people in my life.
For standing by me through difficult times.
For the tears you shed when I cried.
For all the cursing and swearing when I was angry.
For all your support and advices.
For giving me your precious time.
For your listening ear.
For the shoulders that I cried on.
For being by my side even if we said nothing.
For cheering me up.
For not asking anything in return.
You made me stay strong when the world came crushing down.
Without you people, I couldn't imagine what's gona happen to me.

To my precious darling, Joycelyn, Germac, Mei Mei, Kevin and my dearest sis..
I thank you all with my heart.
I really appreciate all that you've done for me.
And I'm really fortunate to have all of you in my life.
I love you all..

at this point i think nobody can ever say my intuition was wrong.
indeed there was someone else.
i feel like a total idiot.
i feel so cheated.
so fucking cheated.
so this is how it feels when u are cheated.
this is wat u call "not ready"
getting attached in less than a mth.
when things were still somehow hanging.
ok. i was the one. the only one who was hanging.
not him. at all.
it seemed he wasn't affected at all.
not a single bit.
"things happened too quickly"?
sheesh. that was really quick. really.
i'm just lucky that i don't have to put up with all these shit anymore.
no more insecurities, no more doubts, no more worrying, no more thinking of who your friends were, or what you were doing.
no more crap.
i just wish you can grow up from now onwards.
treat every girl you encounter from now onwards nicely and gentlemanly.
and seriously, grow up.
may you have a wonderful and enjoyable relationship.

kev is one kick-arse-irritating man.. haas.. no, not in a bad way.. i say he's kick arse irritating cos he's jus damn good at "reading" ur mind, understanding ur thoughts.. he's so straight to the point its kinda like "ouch! tt hurts!".. but damn.. he's fucking right.. jus a brief conversation i had with him and he sort of "opened" my thinking and brought my real self back..

the real me.. the girl with her own thinking, knows how to get what she wants, simply always knowing what to do when things happen..

i guess what he said was right, when he said tt i was too emotionally involved.. he was surprised i became like tt.. hell.. not only was he surprised.. ME myself felt it too.. AND he was right (again) when he pointed tt what i fear is actually failure.. i cannot take the fact tt i was failing, or maybe have already failed the relationship.. especially so when things were kinda alright and suddenly.. POOF! its gone.. becos of being too emotionally involved, i find it hard to let go.. and becos i din wana fail, i wanted to hang on, hoping things will be back to normal and i become happy again..

thou he din say exactly how to do it, but at least i have some insight on how to handle this right now with his guidance..

now i feel much much better.. its like letting an ultra heavy load off my chest.. kev jus has this special power to make ppl see things logically and.. i don't know.. pull you out of the landslide? :)

如果我变成回忆, 退出了这场生命..
留下你错愕哭泣, 我冰冷身体, 拥抱不了你..

如果我变成回忆, 终于没那么幸运..
没机会白着头发, 蹒跚牵着你, 看晚霞落尽..

快乐, 什么时候会结束呢?
哪一刻是最后一刻?
想把你紧紧抱着, 可知你是我生命中的,


最舍不得..

i wonder...

are my expectations too high?

i thought i was quite easy to please..

i wonder...

if he's sick and tired of me..

i thought, probably.. most likely..

there's no such thing as fairy tale in this fucking reality..

maybe i should really.. let it be.. let it be..

is it really worth the wait?
making myself so miserable each day..
every smile i made was fake..
every joke i crack was just to hide my sorrow..
wearing a happy face in front of everyone..
only i myself knows whats going on deep inside..
only the tears were true..


i wish i can be stronger..

Dear God,

allow me to humbly ask for Your guidance..

provide me the strength I need to walk this path..

make me strong to cope with the current crisis..

I trust and believe in You..

I believe You have plans..

perhaps this is what You want me to experience..

perhaps this is Your way of making me grow..

I trust that after this hurdle..

I am able to see light at the end of the dark tunnel..

and You mould me into a better person..

this I pray to You..

i hope we made the right choice..

i hope we can take this time to really reflect on wat happened..

i hope we will find the answer to wat we really want..

i hope i am wat u want..

cos all that i need..

is you..

confused

juwi wished me happy birthday early this morning when i was half awake.. i smiled and thought "how sweet of her to be the first this year.." happily thanked her and the next moment something struck me..

TODAY'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!!! faints

nowonder dearie din wish me happy bdae when he msged me before he slept.. lol!!

this is silly to the extreme..

Perfect

If you haven't read this month's CLEO about finding Mr. Perfect in the not-so-fairy-tale world out there, here's roughly what it says..

We WOMEN always have our own long list of what Mr Perfect should be like.. tall, handsome, accomplished, listens to your say, and the list goes on.. But when a man searches for love, he has no idea what the perfect woman entails.. Though more than often we catch them indulging in their voluptuous desires, when it comes to serious matters, they just need someone who will love them because and despite of who they can sometimes be.. Comparing both, men are more fluid with their own set of standards unlike women, where we set our standards and boundaries so stringent it could be the reason why Mr. Perfect always loses his way en route to our happiness..

Now ask yourself, what is it that you really want? as opposed to what you're being told you want or is crucial.. keeping in mind that prince charming doesn't exist in this reality..

Oh, by the way, this article was written by a man.. So i really think its up to your discretion to ponder about this issue ya.. :)

i guess i was very much afflicted since don't know when.. there IS a problem.. or maybe are problems.. but i just can't figure wat exactly it is.. like wat i told darling.. i find myself living in the shadow of infidelity.. i'm not sure if tts the right way to say but.. anyways.. i kept having flashbacks of how exactly lies were being told, evidences eradicated n stuff, n i fear it will happen to me one day.. in fact my biggest fear is "it" happening already.. say i'm paranoid or even crazy.. but having gone through it myself and being there n then during the betrayal act, its hard not to think..

perhaps it was me being so obsessed that he's not telling me anything now.. or perhaps there's nothing to tell.. i want to know and yet when i knew, i get jealous.. a comment from darling, saying i have the right to get jealous.. in fact, if i don't get jealous shldn't he be worried instead? doesn't it mean tt he's insignificant to me? i feel really insecure.. i can't seem to even enter his world, talk abt fitting in.. i don't know where i stand, my significance to him.. am i even one of his priorities? i'm not asking to be the first, but at least the top few?

i know he's still not over her.. thou he kept it to himself.. its hard to let go when it happens like so out of a sudden.. thou i feel hurt somehow, like y did he wan to start a new r/s when he's not even ready? [oh wait, are we considered in a relationship?] but i feel worse when he don't even share his problems with me.. its to an extend i feel that we meet each other jus for the sake of meeting.. i know he's putting in effort, and i feel loved with all his little actions.. but sometimes i feel that we don't connect, or can't connect..

thinking back on wat i said, i don't wish to treat him like a rebound.. but looking at wat it is now, could it have been the other way round?

good luck for tmr's ACLS and tuesday's health assessment..
i hope i can pass.. :(

42 Days

yes! exactly 6 weeks frm now joy WILL BE BACK!!!! lalala.. counting counting..

i realised recently my way of destressing is shopping! or has it been tt all these while jus tt i din realise.. keke..
waiting for my old navy stuff to be delivered, plus my kate spade.. oh today i bought a customised laptop bag.. *grinz* and my microsoft office.. tts like the only need with the other wants.. hahaha..

looking forward to hug my dum dum laters!!! ahhhh!!!!

its TOMORROW!!!

finally.. 2 whole weeks without seeing him.. good thing tt he called almost everyday so i wun miss him as much.. hee..

exams coming lo.. both papers on the same week.. sheesh.. non-stop stress syndrome..
just hope for the best! :(

2 DAYS!

lala.. i feel elated jus by seeing the number! hee..

i skipped lecture this morning.. boo.. naughty girl am i not? oh wateva.. no exams for that module anyways.. :)

dearie's gona fulfill his superman dream in abt 3 hrs time! haas.. he's going skydiving!! he sure noes how to enjoy life eh.. hee.. jus pray tt he doesnt get stuck in some trees thou he said tts like almost impossible.. haha..

alrites.. see him very very soon den! :D

3 Days

yay.. can't wait till friday! :D
[we counted wrongly cos we aren't suppposed to count the day he flew ain't it? keke]
but maybe i'll not meet him if he's too tired.. oh well.. as long as he's back i'm happy enough.. hee..

assessments coming up the next 3 weeks:
1) ACLS theory test
2) management presentation
3) ACLS mega code
4) health assessment practical & theory
5) research presentation
6) APN presentation
7) research proposal

wish me luck.. :)

5 Days

lala.. today is ACLS day.. slightly better than i expected.. jus abit more complex than LSCN la.. they're testing on intubation thou.. dun ask me wat for when we are not allowed to intubate..

haiz.. i'm really really tired now.. probably cos of the assignment.. or maybe i'm really burned out.. when will all these be over??

6, 48 & 96 Days

Haas.. this is so stupid.. i'm memorising like 10 times those 3 numbers up there so i can type it down.. faints.. maybe i should jus do it one by one.. start counting down joy's return after dearie's back.. keke..

i finally finished my 2000 word assignment!! with editing and referencing and all the appendix done.. gosh.. tts alot of stuff to do can.. i'm never gona do O&G case studies ever again!!! grr..
tmr's school again!!! yay.. means i'm nearer to going back to work.. nearer to exams too thou.. :)

its less than a week before i can hug my dum dum!! hee.. he said he bought some stuff for me.. like clothes but he's not sure if they can fit me.. haa.. *wonders..

7, 49 & 97 Days

alrights.. tts some numbers to count.. 7 days to dearie coming back.. 49 days to joy's big return.. and finally 97 days to GRADUATION!!!!!!

finally got a call frm dearie.. he jus got "home" after a 12 hours drive frm brisbane.. hee.. oh.. i jus confirmed with him.. he really took A380 to aussie!!!!!!!! and he's coming back with that too!!! shit him.. he's saying it as thou its no big deal.. geez.. maybe i'm more swa ku la.. grr..

went to SEMS today again.. tts 2 consecutive days this year!! i couldn't believe tt i din fall asleep this year.. haha.. and i made the effort to wake up early today to attend when i din have to.. hee.. pat on my shoulder.. lucky i went thou.. Dr Ang presented on Russell's case.. so he died from multiple cardiac injuries.. some lacerations at the pericardium and the ventricles, and there was also some slight hemothorax and hemoperitoneum.. no intracranial hemorrhages thou.. tts surprising.. poor boy.. to this date the impact is still so great on me.. i guess this is one case i'll remember for life..

joy's coming back lo!!! but y after my bdae leh.. haha.. ok la.. shall forgive her since she's coming back for good.. i think tt overruled one silly birthday of mine yea? haa..

8 Days

boo.. he din call again today.. tt got me a little worried.. hope he's fine while having fun..

9 Days

boo.. my dum dum din call today.. he's probably out surfing i guess.. geez.. n he's KIV going skydiving!!!!!!! kaozz.. tell me u're not jealous.. his trip is jus so adventurous can.. grr.. and i haven confirm with him but i'm quite sure he took the AIRBUS TO SYDNEY!! A380!!!! okok.. wait till i get a confirmation.. shall not get too excited yet.. AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh.. my kate spade is shipped!! hee.. its really the card problem.. and i shall declare my boycott for DBS from this moment onwards.. lala.. can't wait till it reach my doorstep!!!

i'm stuck with my ectopic preg assignment and this is the worse worse assignment ever.. gosh.. y did i pick tt case anyways.. maybe to prove my hatred for O&G.. i see tt as the highest probability.. haa.. okok.. needa catch some sleep else i'll probably meet my dum dum during SEMS tmr.. in lala land tt is.. hee..

I MISS U!!!!!!

10 Days

an interesting quote frm my darling.. she says.. "women are multi-taskers. we can work n miss someone at the same time but not so for our male counterparts." hee..

i finally bought myself a kate spade bag!! drools.. been eyeing at kate spade for quite some time and its always either they have nothing nice or the ones i wanted are OOS.. stupid thing is kate spade jus mailed me saying they cancelled my order but din state y they did so.. i reckon it could be a card problem so i re-ordered using another card.. hope it works this time.. dunno y but i always can't use DBS cards to do online shopping.. geez.. another reason to boycott them.. haas..

my latest love... :)

11 Days

great.. number smaller by ONE.. haa.. got a surprise call frm dearie jus before my shift.. okays.. he's supposed to call after touch down but i guess its sleeping time for me so he din call.. :) good to hear his voice after such a LOOOOONG time.. 16 hrs to be exact.. faints.. he went shopping already on the first day! grr.. this is so unfair.. i must oso go horiday!!!

the silliest thing jus happened to me today!! i jus realised i wasted 1405 DBS points can!!! shit! thats 7k of spendings.. all gone cos i din check the expiry date.. and it got expired jus like that.. 4 days ago.. grrr!!! i tot there's no expiry date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pui!! y din they send me a warning or smth to remind me of my points.. PUI! boycott DBS for 1 mth..

today we went off early again.. much much early than before.. geez.. guilty guilty.. oh well, i'd rather come back and work on my assignment than to stay there n idle my time away.. attachments are a total waste of time this time round.. especially so with the atrocious management of the current hospital.. both medical and nursing.. 2 more days to go and i'm FREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! tt leaves me with assignment due date thou.. hee.. wateva~

i can't wait to hug my dum dum!!!

12 Days

boo.. its the official start of my indisposed freedom.. yay.. its 12 damn fucking days.. gosh.. wat am i supposed to do for the whole 12 days? good for him my dum dum superman.. :) shld be having a great time on flight with his lads now.. oh well.. i must enjoy myself more than him i dun care.. geez.. more like drowning myself with assignments and presentations.. grr.. i tot of coming in to say i miss him everyday but.. tts REALLY geeky can.. haas..

okok.. i'm sure there'll be lotsa fun n laughter down under.. oh here i go again the jealousy me.. hee.. I MISS U HEAPS ALREADY!! muackzz dearie! :D

Valentine's Day

my first v day 'celebration' since i had memory.. or maybe first with a partner.. oh well, all these years i always din have a partner during valentines day.. [ok, had one but tt can never be official] i always dreamed of having a romantic dinner or doing some romantic stuff with my partner during valentines day.. thou it may mean just-like-any-other-day to some but i tot it'll be really nice to go thru tt feeling, even if its jus once in this lifetime..

initially i tot of getting him a PS3 since its wat he yearned for.. but its kinda ex la.. maybe wait till i save more money.. so tt left me without any idea wat to give him.. not tt its a must to give gifts during valentines day but i tot its my way of showing appreciation.. den i tot.. y not just stick to the old fashioned way.. baking him something.. plus he's kind of a sweet tooth i realised.. so i decided.. muffins it shall be..

with the attachments and assignments all cramped together i din really have time to get ready for baking.. and i got my ingredients just the night before.. luckily i found a really sweet card tt says exactly how i feel, while we're slacking one fine day during attachment.. anyways.. i wanted to do a trial baking the night before since its such a loooooong time since i last baked.. but i was too tired after shift and fell asleep instead.. so i took the risk like "jus bake dun care if it turns out well".. haha.. the result.. looks nice but its kinda hard la.. but mommy did say it was still eatable.. :)

i decorated the card abit cos it was all too plain.. one day this idea suddenly came into mind and i tot it was quite cute.. 鼻涕虫 is wat he calls me and superman is him.. :)

i rushed to meet him cos he's on night.. his 2nd night.. geez.. wat a valentines eh.. oh well, its less than 15 mins.. the time i met him till he took cab n send me home.. its wasn't as wat i expected thou.. it was more of like.. jus pass him the muffins like i'm passing any other thing.. disappointed.. i don't know wat kinda feeling it was but my heart ached.. i dont know y.. maybe i was expecting too much from him.. haiz.. he did say it was really sweet thou.. and he felt bad he din get me anything.. or maybe it was when he said "i have no money to spend on you" tt i felt really bad.. its not abt him not getting anything.. i dun mind seriously [we did go for 'dinner' the other day].. but its the words he said.. my mood jus fell to zero stat when he said tt..

i hate myself for being so crazy most times.. i dont know exactly y but i reckon its me yearning wat i couldn't get.. i feel very much loved by him each time we're together.. but hate the part where we meet just once a week? i dont see myself as tt clingly.. i admit i can be sometimes.. i noe abt personal space and i seriously agree we must have.. but seeing him once a week and jus tt few hrs each time is really not enough for me.. i miss him everyday, every second, every minute.. but i dun feel it frm him.. he seemed to be having so much fun, enjoying himself more with his friends than with me.. he doesnt introduce me to his friends thou he knew most of mine.. i couldnt help but wonder, who am i to him? am i even considered his girlfriend, or even someone special?

perhaps it was really too fast.. frm knowing each other to getting really close.. perhaps we shld have settled our previous one before we jump into anything.. i must admit i havent let go tt FB(fucking bastard) initially when we got 'together'.. i was afraid i'm treating him like a rebound.. but seriously.. tt FB made me hate him on his own.. so he was never a rebound..

haiz.. maybe i should jus wait n see...