aloof or not

i'm disappointed in myself.. so so disappointed.. y am i now a possessive freak being jealousy n all at such insignificant issue.. or maybe its insignificant to others.. i hate myself for behaving in this way.. but i just couldn't help it.. i noe i say this all the time but my heart really ached like i was dying.. i noe i should trust him.. i mean.. he had the option not to tell me all abt them.. but he still did.. and i appreciate him for doing so.. in fact i was really proud of him i started telling the girls wat he did.. but when it happens again n again.. if u were me, wouldn't u get worried? anyone will say he's telling me cos there's nothing to hide and i myself knew that well enough.. but i just couldn't control my feelings! forgive me for defending myself.. it'll be funny if i don't feel anything at all.. or have that 'do i even care' kind of attitude.. am i right to say that? perhaps its the accumulation of everything that happened.. perhaps i really want this to work hence the perfectionist me is out to create havoc again.. or perhaps its just the hormonal imbalances.. its really hard to 'close one eye' and pretend to be understanding.. i'm only human and i have feelings? i really hope its just me thinking too much, way too much and nothing else..
Dear God, please bring this irksome fella in me away, vanish into thin air and never come back again.. please? sigh..

Burnt

went tanning in sch today with mel!! hee.. been reeeeeeaally long since i was dark.. i hated the days when ppl speak MALAY to me like in the lift asking me which floor i'm going.. it happened like a thousand times can.. grr.. those were the days where i look forward to every training in sch, attend every camp possible, go for competitions n stuff.. for the amt of time we spent under the sun its hard not to get black ya noe.. keke.. really miss the fun we had..
so.. i decided to become fair again after i entered nursing.. but i guess its more on who u mix with tt decides what you do at different phases of ur life.. sociology.. heh~ which is y i grew to become lazy.. the only exercise we do was shopping? haha.. good n bad during tt period.. shall not elaborate thou..
then came work life.. in CE everyday u work ur youth away and all u wana do after work is go home n SLEEP!! and like myself, no one in my group engage in activities under the sun.. n it helped me achieve my goal! haha.. like the other day in sch this auntie collecting our plates commented, "wa.. u very fair hor!" haha..
but for now.. the girls in class are motivating each other to exercise! haha.. fun ppl to mix with thou.. they go playing badminton or swim during long breaks.. like yesterday.. they all went swimming and tempted me n mel.. n cos we're having discussion in sch today, mel suggested going for a swim n get tanned after discussion! haha.. so here i am.. all red n burnt! n painful can..

junkie

i just bought another pair of HEEEEEEEEEEEELS!

mommy's gona scREAM!!

but i don't care..

absolutely deserved it! weeeeee!!!!!!!