aloof or not

i'm disappointed in myself.. so so disappointed.. y am i now a possessive freak being jealousy n all at such insignificant issue.. or maybe its insignificant to others.. i hate myself for behaving in this way.. but i just couldn't help it.. i noe i say this all the time but my heart really ached like i was dying.. i noe i should trust him.. i mean.. he had the option not to tell me all abt them.. but he still did.. and i appreciate him for doing so.. in fact i was really proud of him i started telling the girls wat he did.. but when it happens again n again.. if u were me, wouldn't u get worried? anyone will say he's telling me cos there's nothing to hide and i myself knew that well enough.. but i just couldn't control my feelings! forgive me for defending myself.. it'll be funny if i don't feel anything at all.. or have that 'do i even care' kind of attitude.. am i right to say that? perhaps its the accumulation of everything that happened.. perhaps i really want this to work hence the perfectionist me is out to create havoc again.. or perhaps its just the hormonal imbalances.. its really hard to 'close one eye' and pretend to be understanding.. i'm only human and i have feelings? i really hope its just me thinking too much, way too much and nothing else..
Dear God, please bring this irksome fella in me away, vanish into thin air and never come back again.. please? sigh..

Burnt

went tanning in sch today with mel!! hee.. been reeeeeeaally long since i was dark.. i hated the days when ppl speak MALAY to me like in the lift asking me which floor i'm going.. it happened like a thousand times can.. grr.. those were the days where i look forward to every training in sch, attend every camp possible, go for competitions n stuff.. for the amt of time we spent under the sun its hard not to get black ya noe.. keke.. really miss the fun we had..
so.. i decided to become fair again after i entered nursing.. but i guess its more on who u mix with tt decides what you do at different phases of ur life.. sociology.. heh~ which is y i grew to become lazy.. the only exercise we do was shopping? haha.. good n bad during tt period.. shall not elaborate thou..
then came work life.. in CE everyday u work ur youth away and all u wana do after work is go home n SLEEP!! and like myself, no one in my group engage in activities under the sun.. n it helped me achieve my goal! haha.. like the other day in sch this auntie collecting our plates commented, "wa.. u very fair hor!" haha..
but for now.. the girls in class are motivating each other to exercise! haha.. fun ppl to mix with thou.. they go playing badminton or swim during long breaks.. like yesterday.. they all went swimming and tempted me n mel.. n cos we're having discussion in sch today, mel suggested going for a swim n get tanned after discussion! haha.. so here i am.. all red n burnt! n painful can..

junkie

i just bought another pair of HEEEEEEEEEEEELS!

mommy's gona scREAM!!

but i don't care..

absolutely deserved it! weeeeee!!!!!!!

helloooOOO 2009!

last day of the year!! nothing much to look forward to.. except maybe graduation so i can go back to work!!! i miss CE like hell la.. miss the 'working urself to death' feeling.. miss the adrenaline rush esp when its all so super crowded and u manage to accomplish every single task.. miss working like an octopus basically.. haa.. 6 more mths to go.. zzz...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! HOHOHO!

i'm doing my assignments.. geez..

ASSignments

The really strenuous part abt studying is when it comes to exams and assignments.. like duh~
so right now, this is wat i'm going thru!! grr... i dun mind doing presentations n stuff, but writing of assignments can jus KILL me.. i'm so not an english person la.. maybe writing in chinese will be better.. haa.. like which era i live in eh...

this counselling thing is really getting on my 12 cranial nerves!!
first was the 'interview' part.. supposed to find someone to sort of 'counsel'.. but its not jus talking to that person.. ya hafta record the whole conversation and after that transcribe it to be included in your report..
at first i thought "aiya.. jus talk talk very easy.." but i was totally WRONG!! tried to counsel ervin but the whole night of recording was all CRAP! haha.. perhaps i started without any idea of wat this counselling shit is all abt.. or maybe like wat he says, its quite hard for me to relate to a guys problem.. but he did gave me an insight of how to go abt counselling someone la.. so the next day when i interviewed my next best candidate it was all smooth sailing.. WE DID IT AT FIRST ATTEMPT!! and it was a good 30mins of recording.. i jus hafta say.. my darling is jus damn good at talking!!! hahahaha.. its a compliment ya.. keke..

then the next problem comes.. the transcript!! after doing the transcript i really can understand the hardwork of those scriptwriters.. its really HARDWORK.. my head almost ruptured into tau huey can.. i think my darling said like ten thousand 'you knows' in the whole conversation.. and i said like a million 'uh-huhs'.. and my head almost rolled off the floor from the noddings.. lol!!! yes, even things like 'erm', 'hmm', 'lo, leh, la', and also non-verbals are all included in the transcript!!!!!
jus 4 hours i spent last night and i only transcribed 10 mins of the whole conversation.. play, pause, type.. den replay to check, n replay to continue with the next line.. and mind you.. the lines hafta be numbered and even the timing!!! gosh.. i wonder what is it they really want us to learn from this thing.. whether is it the counselling skill or the transcripting skill.. faints..

okok.. time to go back to tt piece of crap.. ciaoz!