at this point i think nobody can ever say my intuition was wrong.
indeed there was someone else.
i feel like a total idiot.
i feel so cheated.
so fucking cheated.
so this is how it feels when u are cheated.
this is wat u call "not ready"
getting attached in less than a mth.
when things were still somehow hanging.
ok. i was the one. the only one who was hanging.
not him. at all.
it seemed he wasn't affected at all.
not a single bit.
"things happened too quickly"?
sheesh. that was really quick. really.
i'm just lucky that i don't have to put up with all these shit anymore.
no more insecurities, no more doubts, no more worrying, no more thinking of who your friends were, or what you were doing.
no more crap.
i just wish you can grow up from now onwards.
treat every girl you encounter from now onwards nicely and gentlemanly.
and seriously, grow up.
may you have a wonderful and enjoyable relationship.

kev is one kick-arse-irritating man.. haas.. no, not in a bad way.. i say he's kick arse irritating cos he's jus damn good at "reading" ur mind, understanding ur thoughts.. he's so straight to the point its kinda like "ouch! tt hurts!".. but damn.. he's fucking right.. jus a brief conversation i had with him and he sort of "opened" my thinking and brought my real self back..

the real me.. the girl with her own thinking, knows how to get what she wants, simply always knowing what to do when things happen..

i guess what he said was right, when he said tt i was too emotionally involved.. he was surprised i became like tt.. hell.. not only was he surprised.. ME myself felt it too.. AND he was right (again) when he pointed tt what i fear is actually failure.. i cannot take the fact tt i was failing, or maybe have already failed the relationship.. especially so when things were kinda alright and suddenly.. POOF! its gone.. becos of being too emotionally involved, i find it hard to let go.. and becos i din wana fail, i wanted to hang on, hoping things will be back to normal and i become happy again..

thou he din say exactly how to do it, but at least i have some insight on how to handle this right now with his guidance..

now i feel much much better.. its like letting an ultra heavy load off my chest.. kev jus has this special power to make ppl see things logically and.. i don't know.. pull you out of the landslide? :)

如果我变成回忆, 退出了这场生命..
留下你错愕哭泣, 我冰冷身体, 拥抱不了你..

如果我变成回忆, 终于没那么幸运..
没机会白着头发, 蹒跚牵着你, 看晚霞落尽..

快乐, 什么时候会结束呢?
哪一刻是最后一刻?
想把你紧紧抱着, 可知你是我生命中的,


最舍不得..

i wonder...

are my expectations too high?

i thought i was quite easy to please..

i wonder...

if he's sick and tired of me..

i thought, probably.. most likely..

there's no such thing as fairy tale in this fucking reality..

maybe i should really.. let it be.. let it be..

is it really worth the wait?
making myself so miserable each day..
every smile i made was fake..
every joke i crack was just to hide my sorrow..
wearing a happy face in front of everyone..
only i myself knows whats going on deep inside..
only the tears were true..


i wish i can be stronger..

Dear God,

allow me to humbly ask for Your guidance..

provide me the strength I need to walk this path..

make me strong to cope with the current crisis..

I trust and believe in You..

I believe You have plans..

perhaps this is what You want me to experience..

perhaps this is Your way of making me grow..

I trust that after this hurdle..

I am able to see light at the end of the dark tunnel..

and You mould me into a better person..

this I pray to You..

i hope we made the right choice..

i hope we can take this time to really reflect on wat happened..

i hope we will find the answer to wat we really want..

i hope i am wat u want..

cos all that i need..

is you..