Its august already.. And like always, u get more and more emotional as the days past, when the date gets nearer.. Its that kind of mixed feelings.. U feel happy for him cos this is what he always wanted, its his dream.. yet, u can't help but feel sad cos he's leaving.. Leaving for good or perhaps he'll be back, there's no definitive answer..

Things are constantly running through my mind.. I couldn't help but wonder, what would it be like if say, we're together? Its a definite NO for him to stay.. But, would there be any promises? Or maybe some change of plans? Oh well, those were again my nonsensical thoughts.. Painting my beautiful picture and building my ever so huge castle in the air.. Hee~

Life goes on, whether u like it or not.. In life, u can't expect every single thing to flow as u wish, or things to happen jus because u said so.. Afterall, who are u to have such power? haha.. u jus have to accept whatever that comes along, and perhaps, it could be a blessing in disguise? Perhaps this is just a passing phase and perhaps in years to come...... perhaps, perhaps, perhaps..

Whatever it is, he'll have all my wishes and i really hope he can do well in this.. Cos I want him to.. :)

Scatterbrainie

I forgot to bring my phone out today...
WTH~ :(

down..

okays.. things has been going awry for the past few days.. everything seemed to be pissing me off.. every little thing.. including teddy.. i jus got pissed by him last night for the slightest thing.. he said i din tell him i was on leave.. but i remembered very clearly i did told him and not like once.. but he insisted.. said i din mention at all and not even in my msgs.. i got pissed and went thru my past msgs and forwarded the evident to him.. thats how he made me angry at like 1am can.. and i'm ignoring him.. well, i was angry not becos he din remember a thing abt my leave.. i was mad at him for the accusation.. i got so furious my tears fell.. u know, i cry when i'm in extreme anger.. oh, watever~

then this afternoon, the damn computer kena VIRUS!! kaozz.. i dunno wat exactly it is.. some spyware or trojan or wateva.. and i couldn't even go into internet explorer!! and i panicked la obviously.. was having palpitations and my hands were trembling! haa~ never epxerienced such bad hysteria, those that happened during bad resus wasn't at all this bad.. okays.. abit exaggerating.. haha.. anyways.. i got dad to bring it down to the computer shop before i really go bonkers.. hee~ no choice wat.. not as if i'm some computer expert to fix the damn thing.. i'm probably better in jus online shopping.. haha! hope they can fix it like tmr? argh!!! i'm so lifeless without my com!!!

finally back at work tonight! rotting is not tt interesting a pastime afterall.. but i did enjoy my deserved rest lah.. haha.. okays.. tts contradicting.. my assignment is like ........... i dunno wat to say.. tonight is still not too bad.. outside with rakiyah.. told them to kill me at 0730hrs later so i dun hafta come to work.. shall not go into too much details abt tmr's assignment.. jus hope tt it'll be a smooth shift... PLEASE!!!~~

Pathetic

Life is.
Try killing someone and say sorry after that.
Get the picture?
Duh~

Any rich man out there???

Nice?? someone buy me tt.. i'll consider marrying u.. wahaha!

I'm praying for you baby..

p.s. never mind what people say as long as our conscious is clear. thats how you stay strong. :)

Happiness

Really touched by what darling said in her recent post.. abt how richard is the angel sent by her daddy from heaven to walk her through the rest of her life.. i cried as i was reading.. you know, i think its true when people say that a daddy will always protect his girl no matter what happened, and if a guy cannot protect you and take care of you the way your daddy did, then never marry this person.. well, this i believe to a certain extent.. nobody, even the best guy you think you ever met, can ever replace your daddy..

I was being brought up with my daddy pampering and spoiling me.. he always wants the best for me and my sis.. the best food, the best clothes.. a certain thing we wanted and he'll get the best quality of it for us, never minded the price.. we're not from a well to do family that is.. thats his way of loving us.. not much words spoken, but deep in our hearts, we know he loves us..

Perhaps thats how it affected the way i see a man.. the father figure.. sometimes i'm really envious of my mom.. to have met such a wonderful man in her life, and to start a family with him.. i couldn't help but wonder, will i ever meet somebody like him? to provide me his unconditional love, to take care of me like his little girl..

With my wilful thinking, a lot of times i thought, maybe by showing it first will i get the kind of love i always wanted.. and in attempts to do so, it always ended up with me getting hurt.. the torment was simply too much to bear.. i've since learnt to relinquish the idea, the search for the perfect father figure, and come to realise that no one can ever replace my daddy..

I think daddy wanted the same as i did.. for me to meet someone who loves me the way he does.. i still remember very clearly how his tears fell when he learnt about what happened to sis.. my heart ached so badly i thought i was dying from it.. never do i want to see that happen ever again.. that i promised myself..

I'm really happy for darling.. that she'd found her happiness.. being so blessed and blissful with her hubby.. well, if yours has yet to come, why not feel happy for the one you love first right? :)